He only said it when we got engaged, a bit more than 18 months after we started dating. 12? To me, these potent three words have a deep meaning that reaches into the vulnerable side of ‘self’ that I’m not quite comfortable to visit. I love you, too." He’s not deaf and he doesn’t have amnesia. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. I don't have a time, just whenever it feels right I guess? One night, lying in bed cuddling I asked "Would it be crazy if I said I loved you?" You can't put a timeline on falling in love. I've been dating my SO (both mid-20s) for about 6 months, and told him a few weeks ago that I love him. I feel like he purposely started saying it more and more in hopes that I would say it back, and I did but more out of pressure than anything. Saying I love you. That can give you insight into how they show love. About 30 minutes later I felt a storm brewing due to the Mexican food we'd had earlier. But not having said these particular words doesn't necessarily have to mean that. I will admit that I was losing patience. If one of you is a bit less vocal, but one of you really needs to hear it, you have to meet in the middle. As part of our commitment to that mission, the AskWomen subreddit is curated to promote respectful and on-topic discussions, and not serve as a debate subreddit. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. It was dumb, it really was. She hung up. I’ll be honest though, before he said it, I went to his house to end things because I just couldn’t go on any longer without him saying it. You don't want saying "I love you" to be a moment that feels pressuring to your partner — you want to say it because you feel it, and give them the space to say it back when they're ready. But I was thinking that I was in love with him weeks before that but was afraid to tell him because I've been burned before. No. She was quiet for a moment, then said, "I thought that was what you said. We celebrate 5 years in a few weeks. I think if you are asking because you are wondering if your partner loves you, look at other things your partner says or does. Obviously, saying (or not saying) "I love you" doesn't have to be scary, or even that big of a deal for every couple. ... Saying “I love you” doesn’t mean that … If I tell a woman I love her, I'm not [messing] around. Stop wondering if he’s in love with you and know for sure with this list of 21 signs that you’ve won his heart.. It’s pretty black and white, cut and dry, salt and pepper if you ask us, but see what you think. Saying you’re “heart horny” means you’re not just looking for sex but are desiring a real romantic connection. You’ve said it once. I hid in my mom's bathroom because he had never seen me cry and I was embarrassed. 6 months in? We were dating for maybe two months? So OP's SO is needing "words of affirmation" from OP in order to feel loved. The words are important but some people weigh them differently than others. Every night before bed I get a kiss and a goodnight and I lay there wondering why he’s not saying it, feeling it. There may not be an exact right time to say “I love you” — but how do you respond to someone who says the words when you’re not ready to say them back? He didn't bat an eye and just kept saying it over the next couple weeks and I'd roll my eyes at him. AskWomen: A subreddit dedicated to asking women questions about their thoughts, lives, and experiences; providing a place where all women can comfortably and candidly share their responses in a non-judgmental space. We were still in high school at the time and I was crying because I had a C on my midterm (LOL - I was trying really hard to get all A's and B's okay?) I did end up completing that sentence first though. In my mind, the only thing scarier than saying, "I love you" when you mean it is not saying it. On the flip side when do you feel it's too soon? I said I had to go and I could tell she was worried that I was freaking out about the I love you's. Saying "I love you" for the first time is a huge deal. 1. She was quiet for a moment, then said, "I thought that was what you said. This is a bit of stereotypical situation, but it does happen—sometimes, you say “I love you” and your partner can only muster a “thank you.” It doesn’t mean they don’t love you in return or will never be capable of loving you, but it can still sting. In my experience it doesn't take long to initially fall in love even though, as you said, love changes and deepens over time. At the time, his parents were really strict about an 11pm curfew and I knew that he was going to be late getting home so I asked him why he came back and he said "...because I love you". A couple of minutes later, she called back and said, "Did you just say 'I love you'?" Word-barfed it out in the diary aisle of Wal-mart while reaching for almond milk. My husband also takes it very seriously. We've been together a year and a half. Awww! Now, you’re just waiting passively for a response rather than moving the email thread forward, and your recipient may not even know what you want from them. Didn't want to tell her I just had to shit, so I said "I have to go... because reasons." Now every year on that date he does the same thing. “Do not fall victim to that.” Olver warns against lying and saying “I love you” back just so that you don’t hurt your SO. There may be many reasons for not saying "I love you" that are not necessarily because of a lack of love. After so long, you just need to hear it. You fear that … New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Wow, good for you for holding off on saying it til you were ready and props to him for being patient and not pressuring you. I just kinda sat there and said, "Well, now's the time." Point is - wait til you’re ready to say it without cringing/hesitation, etc. I would be really concerned about whether we were right for each other if my partner didn't feel in love with me by 6 months (or vice versa). He ended up screwing me over and the relationship only lasted a couple of months, so clearly the words coming out of his mouth meant as little as they did coming out of mine. But sometimes it can make us nervous, and that's pretty normal. He said that when he went out of town a couple days before he realized that he missed me and wished I was with him all the time and asked his friends if that's what love is and they said yeah probably. Don’t get needy because not hearing it back makes you feel emotionally insecure. The L word has been exchanged within 2 months in all of my relationships and often much sooner. We were friends for about five years before we started dating, and when we started we knew it was serious. Yeah, it was a little soon, but I just kept pushing through the relationship until I was ready to say it too. I would have liked to hear it about a year before that. He said it back to me with the biggest, dorkiest smile ever, gave me a kiss, and put me on my bus. My bf said a little shy of a year and now we've been together for 2 years and he still has trouble saying it because he was never really used to saying I love you (his family weren't very verbally affectionate), My current relationship took 4.5 months. I've just learned to accept that my husband has other qualities that are more important to me than romance. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Sink back into your normal schedule. Yeah I feel ya. Just as she finished laughing at some awkward thing I did she said, "I lov-" and realizing what she was saying she walked out of the room. “If someone tells you s/he loves you but then expects the same response in return, then they may attempt to create guilt or awkwardness to get [you] to say ‘I love you’ in return,” says Olver. His reply was entirely rational (everything about him is, it’s both frustrating and refreshing). We lived an hours' drive apart, and only saw each other once a week, so we talked on the phone every night after I got home from work. This is how we grow love and shrink fear: by action. He did. She said it wasn't crazy at all and she felt the same way. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. You should only say "I love you" when you absolutely mean it. To them saying "I love you" means "I want to be with you forever". I said yes. You should say it as often as works for you, but I mean you both— you as a couple. Still very happily together 3 months later. He did not reciprocate. On our second date I told her "I pretty much have always loved you" and she said the same. In a recent study, 64% of participants were likely to think women were the first to say they were in love, and these professions were estimated to occur close to 2 months into a relationship (Ackerman, Griskevicius, & Li, 2011). My immediate response was to laugh and say "No you don't". A … My fiancé said it to me (and I said back immediately) less than two weeks into dating. My sister and I were just looking at each other like O_O, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. You already said you love him. Mostly it's disingenuous and I doubt the fairy tale type of love exists outside people's fantasys. EDIT: Is it different depending on how long you have known the person before starting the relationship? I was DYING to say it for at least a month before that, but I was too chicken shit. Every relationship is different. Great way of putting it. You say it when you mean it, according to whatever the word "love" means to you. I said it to my boyfriend about 8 months in and he said it back about 4-5 months later. He did 5 months after we started dating on Valentines Day. Technically she did, about 4-5 months in. Love is patient, love is kind, and most of all, love scares people. Saying "I love you" is a Hallmark response. We take action against fear and send it the message, “I hear you but I’m not listening to you.” Did all of those relationships last forever and ever? I said it first, several weeks into the relationship. you're genuinely very lucky. Yeah, smooth move, dropping the 3 word bomb onto a guy I just spent the past 48 hours with drinking, eating, walking around the city, and other deplorable acts in the hotel room with, and I said "I love you". He heard it. Instead, here are a 11 ways to (pretty much) say I love you when you aren't ready to say it back yet. I tend to say it pretty early because I'm emotionally intense and feel powerful affection/what I'd describe as love quickly and easily. 6. I swear I could hear his heart beating, it was that loud. If there were a big discrepancy in the level of commitment between me and my partner, that might lead me to worry. this just made me tear up. No, you should not say it again. Never heard or said it to my ex, in a year and a half. Last Sunday was our 29th anniversary. I also know that love in the beginning is different from love at 3 years in or 30 years in. Maybe 6 months into dating. "Only when I absolutely mean it. I almost cried. I (18)F have been with my boyfriend (20)M for two years now. even if your SO beats you to it! I would've been worried if getting slapped or made to feel like an a hole for a remark like that. Say it when you’re emotionally prepared to hear a “thank you” in return. It was midway through sex, in fact mid-thrust. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It's easy in the beginning where all that potential can go to your head. She hung up. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. If you are like most people, you might be tempted to say women. Four months in, he woke me up in the middle of the night and said he couldn't wait any longer, that he had to tell me he loved me. You want him and you love him but you don’t need him. Just can’t bring myself to say it first. I meant it and had been thinking about it for awhile, but made the mistake of saying it when intoxicated. In profound love, it is activities, rather than words, that count most. He said it first. This info was let out as part of their vows about Godly commitment etc. We had just spent our first weekend together to see what the feelings we had towards one another were the same, and holy hell, they were. We were 16 years old. I tend to say it pretty early because I'm emotionally intense and feel powerful affection/what I'd describe as love quickly and easily. Probably like a month, month and a half for the actual "I love you", but I got a lot of "I hate you" in "I love you" situations, because she was waiting/afraid to say it so soon. I know there have been a few threads regarding whether or not to say "I love you" and more, but just hear me out. He had just left and he immediately flipped back around when he learned I was upset. It doesn't necessarily mean your partner isn't invested or doesn't care about you -- the "right" timeline is whatever feels right to you. Our third wedding anniversary is this Monday. The longest I've waited to say love in a romantic relationship was maybe 4 months. Does it look like love? You can also ask them about how they generally choose to show people they care and ask how they like to be cared for. Both of us clearly felt it but were holding back because it felt too soon. He got me wrapped around his finger and I finally said it back. We got married 9 years later and we are expecting a baby girl this October. How long have you guys been together? Then they probably love you. I love you, too." It really depends. Needless to say, I agreed to make it official but let him know I was not there yet. I won’t lie, it stung not to hear it back. Those people may also not be very romantic, either. I think I do love her but what does that even mean? My and my girlfriend of nearly 4 years haven't said it to each other. But don't you always feel "powerful affection" when it's new? r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. One guy I dated didn't say it for a year. It’s out there and he knows how you feel. I dated someone who dropped the words the night he asked me to be his girlfriend and I was in shock. 7. "You may be thrilled that someone you love had the courage to pronounce it first, or conversely, [you] may wish they did not feel so strongly because you simply don't love them back." With a new relationship when do you expect to hear it? Needing to hear "I love you back" is exactly a love language issue - they work both ways. He didn’t say it back. I’ve always wanted to tell him but have never really had the guts to as sometimes I don’t know how he feels. Set up romantic retreats, and every night is the same. The shortest was two weeks. One night, we were saying goodbye, and I said, "I love you." He said it first about two weeks after we started talking. He did. He walked me to my bus that Sunday, and as we're waiting for me to be checked in, I blurted it out. "I’m not ready to say that back, but I do know that you’re important to me." Then he said, "I think I love you." He's gotten much better at saying "I love you" but even that took some time for him to feel comfortable saying it on a regular basis. One night, we were saying goodbye, and I said, "I love you." Dude, this is one of those things you shouldn't try to quantify. I think 10 months is more than enough time, but for him it apparently isn’t. Cookies help us deliver our Services. A couple of minutes later, she called back and said, "Did you just say 'I love you'?" He said, "I don't think I like you anymore." Make sure you know these 10 slang words used on dating sites . Last Sunday was our … She pushed the question and I said "Because... Chimichanga reasons." It is difficult to go out in public and face people. Best stupid move I have ever made. You can't put a timeline on falling in love. i guess over 6 months I'd probably start to get worried, but every guy I've been with have dropped the L word EARLY (with my husband dropping it 3 days before we officially started dating. It's scary to put yourself out there like that, especially if you're not 100 percent sure that your partner feels the same way. This is exactly how I feel but when I've articulated it to others I get funny looks. As for too soon, anything less than about two or three months is probably too soon to really know someone well enough to know if what you are feeling is love or just infatuation. If you… Some people put a lot of power into the three words, “I love you” and are not ready to promise something they are afraid to give. Guess the mood struck me just right haha. It’s up to you how long you want to be in a relationship with a man who can’t say it back. We’ve never really had a conversation about it either. Dude, this is one of those things you shouldn't try to quantify. I’d ask him if he was comfortable with me telling him that I loved him, and asked (cautiously) why he never does. Saying it more than once without hearing it back is just as emotionally gut-wrenching as the first time. I eventually let him in the bathroom, but made him keep the lights off. I am usually the first to say it. I'm normally hesitant to drop the L word myself because I take it super seriously. Once you read this list, you’ll wonder why you didn’t know it before! Means you ’ re ready to say love in the bathroom, I... Which you naturally express love is patient, love scares people is saying... Our … saying I love you back '' is a huge deal he asked me to worry in he! Was not there yet is it saying i love you and not hearing it back reddit depending on how long you have known the before. For the first time. prepared to hear a “ thank you ” to see if will! 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